“Honk if you happen to be horny.”
April 1999 to August 2000
Welcome to the year 1999. I am nearing the end of this year of Junior High School. My grades are good. The weather’s fine. The girls are friendly; a couple of them even talk to me (albeit briefly).
As soon as Spring came, the weather was absolutely beautiful, which got me amped to get out to Scott’s backyard and film some backyard wrestling goodness.
-the McLeod Bomber def. Pec Parka
-the Bloodfeasters def. Happy Guy and Rico Suave
-Pete the Punk def. Peter Bruin
-Fishin’ Frank def. a fan
-the Bum def. Bum#1 & Bum#2
-Matthew Tanner def. the Deckhand
-Ray Mosher def. Brocus
-Wolfgang Stone def. Disco Stu
The next day, we went to Evan Mosher’s house and decided to start our own show called Help Wanted. We had no idea what it would be, but we wrote the title on a piece of cardboard and held it up in front of the camera, therefore, cementing it’s place in history. The first thing we did was get another piece of cardboard and write “HONK IF YOU’RE HORNY!!!”, and go down onto Evan’s front lawn, hold the sign up, and wait for traffic. To our 13-year-old amusement, nearly everyone traveling that road was “in the mood” to honk some horns. Wink. Wink.
After that, myself, Evan, Scott Bailey and Taylor Daurie walked door-to-door interviewing everyone about their sexual fetishes and how they feel about beastiality and “plantality”. Again, appealing to our 13-year-old amusements. Comic genius.
An angry/offended/appauled member of Evan’s neighborhood called Evan’s Mom and before we could sit down to watch our comic-gold, she destroyed our beloved tape. She threw it into the fire, it was very dramatic.
Note: Evan’s mother is a lovely woman.Moving on.
It was terribly depressing, we spent an entire day working non-stop only to have it tossed to the flames. We knew our place, it was in Feltzen South; in Scott’s backyard. Where we were free to do what we damn-well pleased. Rebel yell.
More effort was put into the UWC pay-per-views. We kicked out the jams producing 4 PPV’s that Summer, each more extreme and hardcore than the previous. No longer were we using boxes as weapons, now we had cookie sheets, wooden shingles, metal chairs, and chicken wire.
Mike Nauss (who created Brew Crew Radio) came out to lend a technical helping hand, and allow us to have microphones, multiple camera angles, and he also helped me edit video montages of the PPV’s.
September came along, and we were doing more videotaped shorts with Mike. I filmed a couple shorts titled “Making Friends With Glen” where I walked around Lunenburg and acted like an idiot to people I didn’t know; most famously, one Japanese tourist on the docks who just wanted to enjoy his ice cream cone…
He hated me. Me and my 14-year-old amusements.
Brew Crew Productions was slowly collecting a series of videos through the early part of the year. We were gathering a following. An actual following, (more so than UWC’s five apathetic fans, at least) and in this following were girls, a few of them.
Throughout the year, we picked away at different shorts. Eventually filming our biggest film yet, a 30 minute horror/comedy “Norman Goes to School”, directed & edited by Mike.
Norman (an established character in the Brew Crew universe played by Scott) goes to school for the first time in his life, but he is not welcomed as he would have hoped, the students make fun of his deformed, warped body, and short legs. So he decides to go all axe-murderer on the school…
It was fucked.
I played Norman’s mother, and had my first sex scene of my young acting career. That.. was also fucked.
This was my first experience seeing a film being produced from start to finish. It was incredibly rewarding. I didn’t even produce the film. But people loved it, they lost their minds watching it, also we were given time off of class to watch it. Even if the movie would have sucked, people would have loved us for getting them out of class.
Jump ahead one year. One year, to the year: 2000…
More backyard wrestling. More short films.
We produced a 4-episode parody show titled Brew Crew Survivor, where we each created a character and participated in contests to be the last one standing in the trailer park.
I wrote a script to a feature film, “Jackie Wang and the Hunt for the Egg Roll King” where our hero, Jackie Wang, has his egg rolls stolen and hunts them down. Sadly, the film was never shot because there was some creative differences (big words for a 14 year old, I know), which lead to the disbanding of Brew Crew Productions as it was.
That summer, myself, Mike, Scott, Evan, Taylor, and Ty Beaudoin began filming for a new version of Help Wanted TV, which we planned to debut when we made our grand entrance into high school at Park View Education Centre.
More girls in need of impressing. This was going to call for some seriously hilarious hijinx.